Tomorrow's Colors
by MorganD
Summary: (Translation) As Kurt realizes his long-bottled-up problems won't allow him to move on, he needs someone to show him he's the only one who can choose the colors of his own future. Spoilers up to 4x14.
1. Chapter 1

_This is my authorized translation of "Cores do Amanhã", fanfic by fellow Brazilian writer **ashita no kioku**. The original in Portuguese can also be found in this site._

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_**A/N**: Klainers and Blaine fans in particular probably won't like this story._

_**A/N 2:** My first fanfic! Spoilers for everything up until episode 4x14 ("I Do"). _

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**Chapter 1**

Kurt sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time since he had returned to Lima two days ago for Mr. Schue's wedding. As he looked around at his own bedroom, he realized most of his stuff was finally organized.

Make no mistake, Kurt loved redecorating. However, getting rid of things was always a headache. Especially when it came to that room, full of memories he wasn't sure he was ready to face.

Rachel had gone back to New York the day before, but the boy had to go over the luggage he had brought with him, so he decided to stay one day longer.

He would have stayed home all day if it weren't for Blaine's insistent messages that morning telling him to stop by at McKinley so Tina could talk to him.

Now he realized his time would have been better spent unpacking his clothes, no matter how relieved he was for making peace with Tina. Putting up with her and Blaine acting like they knew what Kurt thought had been very annoying.

Why did everybody think they knew what was best for him?

It was common knowledge that Blaine couldn't comprehend other people's feelings if his life depended on it. Why would anyone trust his judgment?

"You know, son, you've been up here for far too long," said Burt as he stepped into the bedroom. "Leave that stuff in the boxes and come hang out with us."

The countertenor was hit by a wave of guilt. For the past few days he had made the effort to act as if nothing in the world could affect him. He knew his family had their own problems, especially now with his dad being treated for cancer, and Kurt hadn't wanted to add to their concerns.

_Act confident, look happy, and no one will ask you any questions. _That was what he kept telling himself.

And if there was a role Kurt Hummel was used to play was that of someone who was perfectly fine. He had developed that character over a long time.

He had probably have been perfecting it since his mother had passed.

His father often told the story about the first Christmas after his mother's death, when Kurt had started smiling again. Burt wouldn't get into details about that time in their lives, but the boy knew his dad considered that smile the best present ever.

_"I often see your mother in you, son," _Burt had told him not long after that day. _"When you sing, when you smile, I feel she's still here." _

So Kurt had made it his mission to take care of his father and keep the image of his mother alive.

_Smile always. Never let people know how much you're hurting. _

He knew his dad would be disappointed if he found out how much Kurt had endured on his own. Nothing was as strong as Burt's protective feelings towards his son except for Kurt's need to protect his father.

"Sorry, Dad. The only reason I brought this much luggage was because Santana decided to move in with us. Rachel has already given some of her things up to accommodate her new boyfriend, so she decided now it's my turn."

_Not that that was all that fair,_ Kurt mused. _Brody didn't need an extra bed or, apparently, that much space for clothes in the closet either. _

"I'm impressed those girls managed to convince you to pack that many clothes." Burt laughed. "I could never make you get rid of anything but an old coat."

"Actually, Santana didn't give me much of a choice," said the countertenor, placing a closed box in the closet. After Blaine had confessed to cheating on him, Kurt had put all the photos and objects that reminded him of his ex-boyfriend in that box. He would rather not look at those things right now. "She said I could either find her some space in my bed or in my closet. I was never more eager to pack up some pairs of shoes. At least this way I'll get to rub this deal in her face whenever she complains about sleeping on the couch."

The two men chuckled, but Burt apparently felt his son's laugh wasn't all that convincing. He sat down on the bed, frowning.

"I might not be the most perceptive guy in the world," he said, "but I know you, Kurt. And that goes beyond knowing how long it'll take for you to give up on watching a game on TV."

Kurt didn't want to think of the last time they had 'watched' a game together. He decided to focus on the problem at hand: the fact that at some point his confident façade must have cracked.

"I'm just sad I have to leave so much of my stuff behind. I kind of want to take a lot of this back to New York. I bought some of these clothes only a few weeks ago."

"Well, giving up new things is easier than giving up the old ones. No emotional attachment," countered his dad.

_Not necessarily,_ Kurt thought. _New things can carry so many promises; it's painful to part with them._

He had come to that conclusion as he realized he already thought of Adam as someone who might become more than a friend at NYADA. That frightened him, because while he felt ready to go out and meet new people, he didn't think he could start another serious relationship.

A part of him wanted to run away from the older boy. The other wanted to take the chance.

So, no, giving up new things wasn't exactly easy.

On the other hand, he realized it was also hard to get rid of some old ghosts. Familiarity also meant safety. Or as much safety as possible when that which was familiar also destroyed his confidence.

His _true _confidence. Not that mask he had worn almost every day for the past decade.

"You know, making choices is part of growing up," his dad went on, still with a concerned look on his face. "But dealing with the consequences is what makes you a grownup."

"Dad, you're a practical man. When you try to get philosophical, it worries me. Is everything okay?" asked Kurt.

"I'm fine, kid. Just as I was the last twenty times you asked me that since you got here. But I'm wondering if _you_ are."

"Don't I look okay?" retorted Kurt, wincing.

"On the contrary," said Burt. "You look great. You look as well as you did during your junior year, when you were being harassed. Or when you were at Dalton and spent more time than necessary telling me how wonderful that school was. Or when you were selling ads for that musical even though you didn't get the role you wanted." Burt squeezed Kurt's shoulder and continued on a lighter tone. "Son, you're acting now the same way you were acting back then, when you were working at the Lima Bean, and that's how I know that when you work too hard to look well, you're nothing but."

Kurt mentally kicked himself. He should have known that trying too hard might give him away.

The part of him he associated with his childhood (back when he could cry easily and someone would come to solve his problems) suggested this was the perfect moment to tell his dad everything. To talk about his insecurities and about how he felt certain unresolved issues were keeping him from moving on, but that he couldn't go back to how things were before either. He didn't know where to go.

It would be so good to talk to someone who was willing to listen.

In fact, there were moments when he had yielded and allowed a few people to see him vulnerable. But he quickly realized that if he let that happen in front of someone who didn't truly cared, he would only hear empty platitudes.

_Courage_.

If that episode had taught him something in the long run was that that kind of simple solution didn't solve anything.

That reckless advice had only caused a lot of trouble.

Life wasn't simple. Dealing with things as if there were only one truth would inevitably prove to be a mistake.

Since then, Kurt had been more careful not to be vulnerable in front of anyone. He didn't need that kind of advice.

With Blaine, it had been easy. The day they first met was the only time Blaine had been willing to listen.

The more their relationship strengthened, the more his boyfriend (now ex) seemed to avoid any deeper discussions about feelings.

On the few occasions Kurt had had the chance to say what he was thinking, to say what was bothering him, everything he had said had been dismissed as if it didn't matter.

Obviously, his dad would never act that way. His dad would do anything for him.

And that was precisely why Kurt couldn't tell him anything. Burt was more important than Kurt's problems. Adding to his worries would cause more damage than good.

_I can handle it. I've been handling it for the past few years. I can ignore some of my problems without actually fixing them._

He didn't know any other way to handle things.

"I'm fine, Dad. You'd also be overly excited if you could spend a few days away from the madness that is living with Rachel, Brody and Santana."

Burt sighed. "You haven't convinced me, kiddo. But I trust you to know when to tell me things. Or you could talk to Blaine. I know you saw him earlier today."

Guilt flashed again in Kurt's conscience. _Tell him. That's your chance! Don't let him keep a wrong image of Blaine._

_Carrying this guilt is better than worrying your dad,_ said the other part of his mind.

"Come on, Dad, let's watch a game. I'm sure I'll manage to pay attention a little longer this time. Especially since there aren't any issues of _Vogue_ in the living room."

"I know you, Kurt. You'll be playing with your cell phone in less than a minute."

Kurt could use a few moments of relaxation. In a few hours he would be back to New York, and his busy life wouldn't allow his mind to keep brooding over unpleasant thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kurt opened the door to the loft with mixed feelings. On one hand, he was sad he had to part with his family so soon. Not that there had been anything he could have done about that, given that his dad and Carole would be returning to D.C. the next day. Besides, Finn had beaten him on the 'who stays the longest locked away in his own bedroom' match, so they had ended up barely speaking to each other while Kurt was there.

On the other hand, not having to face everyone's looks clearly asking him 'When are you going to stop being in denial and admit that Blaine is the love of your life?' was definitely a nice change.

"Home sweet home," said Santana as they carried their bags inside. And this time she had several of them, since her initial move to New York had been so poorly planned.

"Our flight might not have been long, but sitting beside this nasty mood of yours wasn't a pleasant experience, Hummel," she went on. "Seems getting lucky at a wedding isn't enough to make your company bearable."

_Whose smart idea was to fly back to New York with Santana anyway?_

At least she wasn't among those who took what had happened as evidence that Kurt was in denial about Blaine. Or perhaps she just didn't care.

"As if you know much about bearable company," Kurt countered. "You're even more insufferable when you're happy."

Santana seemed about to retort when they heard an angry shout from Rachel.

"Fine. We both lost the award for Most Unbearable Company to Berry," said the Latina girl. "I'm going to put my stuff in your room. Do I need to tag my clothes so you don't mix them up with yours?"

Kurt ignored her remark. Predicting she would be busy in his room for a long time, he chose to find out what was upsetting Rachel this time. The girl's emotions had been a whirlwind for the past few weeks. Kurt had thought she would calm down after Midnight Madness, but now her mood would change from sad to confident to furious faster than Kurt changed scarves.

And that was saying something.

Rachel was lying on her bed, hugging a pillow.

"Is everything okay?" asked Kurt.

"Oh, you're back already," said the girl, getting on her feet. "How was your flight? Where's Santana? Are you hungry? I think dinner is still warm."

"Hey, slow down," said Kurt, taking a hold of her flailing arms. "Flight was okay, Santana is in my room, and thank you for cooking extra. I'm going to eat in a moment. Now, what's going on?"

"I'm just a little anxious about auditioning for _Funny Girl_, that's all," she answered quickly.

Too quickly to sound natural.

"When you're ready to share what's troubling you, I'll be here," said Kurt.

Rachel gave him a thankful look. "And what about you, are you okay? I saw you and Blaine dancing together while I was singing."

Kurt closed his eyes and sighed. "Let's make a deal? I won't ask you about Finn, and you don't ask me about Blaine."

"Deal. I guess that's fair. Although your situation and mine are very different, because Blaine is your soul mate, and everyone can see..."

Kurt cut her off. "Rachel. Please."

She sulked for a moment, then changed the subject, more excited. "All right. What about your other man? Are you going to see him tomorrow? You guys missed Valentine's, so you should see each other again soon."

Kurt hesitated. Adam was another good thing about coming back to New York. Since their first conversation, Adam always found a way to make Kurt feel better.

It wasn't like Kurt needed to be constantly praised. He could have his own entourage of sycophants if he wanted, as his new-found popularity after his victory at Midnight Madness seemed to have attracted that kind of people.

But he didn't want sycophants. He wanted people who would recognize his talent.

And it wasn't bad to have for a change someone who _wouldn't _keep pointing out how wonderful Blaine was.

Although his next encounter with Adam probably wouldn't be that harmonious, as Kurt had decided to tell him what had happened at the wedding.

He owed Adam that much, even if they were not formally dating. Because every time they met, the possibility that they would become _something _grew stronger.

Even though they spent a lot of time together at NYADA, especially now that Kurt had joined Adam's Apples, they had only had two dates off-campus.

The first time they had gone out, Adam had confessed he wasn't really a fan of coffee or drinks, which was what Kurt had initially invited him to. So they went for ice cream and a stroll through the city. Adam had a lot of energy and decided to be Kurt's tour guide to New York. They walked side by side, as the other man described what he knew of the place.

And then Kurt would correct him at almost every turn, since the countertenor had been fascinated by the city since he was a little boy, and Adam had lived there only for a few years.

Realizing that, the British started making up preposterous stories about every landmark they saw, only to provoke Kurt and have him discourse about what he knew.

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_"Oh, my God, you can't be serious!" exclaimed Kurt with frantic gestures. "I'm sure that's not the reason why this building was designed like this. I once read that... What? What is it?"_

_Adam was laughing, and his mirth lit his eyes up. "You're so passionate about all this stuff. It's cute to see you like this. You're almost bouncing while you gesticulate." _

_Kurt blushed. People usually said his excitement about things was frivolous. Whenever he talked about clothes or Broadway, many only wished he would shut up._

_Even his dad and Carole had given him carte blanche to plan their wedding, without really bothering to hear his ideas. _

_And then there was Adam. Deliberately instigating Kurt into sharing what he knew about New York. And smiling fondly as Kurt spoke._

_"You must enjoy suffering, letting me talk this much," Kurt replied._

_"Wrong answer. Repeat after me: 'I'm cute when I'm excited'," said Adam, insisting on it until Kurt had repeated it._

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"You're so far away now," said Rachel, cutting into his thoughts, "that it's making me even more certain that you should text Adam."

"Yes. I'll do that."

Kurt immediately texted _"Hey, you. How have you been? Just arrived in NY"_ into his cell as he walked to the kitchen, trying to escape Rachel and her habit of commenting on his facial expressions while he texted.

Adam didn't take long to reply. _"__I was wondering when you'd text me. My days have been boring. Rehearsing with the Apples was strange without you. It's been only a few weeks, and you're already one of us. How did the wedding go?_"

Kurt replied, "_I feel like part of the group, too. And there was no wedding. (The phenomenon of McKinley relationships drama strikes again.) But actually I'd like to talk to you about something that happened at the 'wedding'. Are you free tomorrow?"_

He knew Adam would figure out by the tone of his text that it would be a difficult conversation. Especially since Adam knew Blaine had been at the reception.

He could pretty much predict Adam's response to be something like 'I'm not going to like this conversation, am I?'

So, naturally, Kurt's heart skipped a beat when the actual reply was, _"__Are you okay? Did something bad happen?__" _

_Of course you'd put my welfare first,_ mused Kurt. _Why can't you be a just little selfish once in a while? I know how to handle selfish people. _

And then Kurt's guilt might now weigh on him so heavily.

_No, I'm not going to come up with stuff to make me feel less guilty_, Kurt thought_. Dad reminded me how important it is to own our mistakes. _

His phone vibrated again, bringing him back from his thoughts. "_Kurt?_"

"_I'm fine. Don't worry. So, are you free?" sent Kurt_.

"_I am. And if I weren't, I'd be now, 'cause you've failed to convince me that you're fine. Anywhere specific you'd like to go?_"

"_Don't change any plans because of me. And actually, the things I'd like to talk to you about are a little personal, so a quiet place would be nice._"

"_You're totally worth changing my plans for. But I am really free, I swear. And in NY, there aren't any quiet places except our own.__"_

Kurt had never been to Adam's apartment. Just like Adam had never been to his. Taking their friendship to such a personal space seemed like a huge step.

"_Well, I have three roommates. You've met two of them, and neither appreciates what the Apples represent. And they're far easier to handle than the third one. I can't even remember what quiet feels like._"

"_Wanna come to my place? I live on my own, so we won't be interrupted_."

_Move forward or not?_

A shout from Santana prompted Kurt's decision. "_Yes, that'd be nice. Definitely better than here_."

"_Great. If you come early, you win a free home-cooked meal_."

"_You had me at 'free'_."

"_My grandma used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.__ ;-)", _replied Adam, sending also his home address.

Kurt laughed. Even though Adam might have clued in to the contents of their future conversation, he kept on with the flirting.

"Hey, Porcelain," said Santana as she left his room wearing one of Kurt's pants. "I'm totally borrowing this."

"No way, Satan. I don't touch your things and you don't touch mine."

Rachel joined them. "Kurt won't let me borrow his clothes either, Santana."

"You have neither the legs nor the ass for Hummel's pants, Berry. Just take a look at that!" said Santana, pointing at Kurt's backside.

If things went well the next day, Kurt would start inviting Adam over. He would much rather see the boy sing about butts than listen to the topic being discussed by his roommates.

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**T/N:** _Please don't go without leaving your feedback. I'll make sure it reaches the author._


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